Album: A Pathway to the Moon
Artist: Unreqvited
Genre: Blackgaze
Origin: Ottawa, Canada
Listen to: The Starforger
This album pairs well with Stone Xocoveza Stout
Twenty years ago, no one expected that herds of whale sharks would be grazing 23 miles off the coast of Isla Mujeres, but once their pastures were discovered an industry exploded around them. The sudden influx of tourists looking to one up their friends’ vacation posts drove an industry into existence within a matter of years. The Mexican government was quick to regulate it. Obviously, you can’t just let anyone with an outboard motorboat charge gringos for the opportunity to stomp all over a recently discovered ecosystem, so laws were set in place.
But, laws are nothing more than rules in the most serious of strategy games.
Every captain is on the radio, listening, sharing. The beasts migrate, so each day there are new coordinates everyone hones in on. Like a herd of American buffalo, they move at a pace that only seems slow because of their size and numbers. Land is out of sight. On the horizon, you can make out other boats who got to the herd first. As we approached the grazing area, everyone is on the lookout. For the most part, they live under the ceiling of the waves, but occasionally, a giant mouth or the tip of a tailfin breaks the surface. Like Fremen looking for wormsign, everyone on the boat is attentive. Shouts and pointing direct the captain, who most likely saw it first, but is willing to play along.
The captain gets our attention and gives instructions. No touching. You must wear a lifejacket. Groans ring out. “I know you don’t want to wear the vest, but I just heard on the radio that someone is ‘bringing the chocolate.’ That means he has an inspector on his boat. We can’t break the rules right now. If we can move away from the main group, maybe, we can find a place where you can go in without the vest.”
The experience of swimming with the whale sharks was amazing and awe inspiring, but I will never forget the lingo. Now you all know what I mean if I say, “I’m bringing the chocolate.”
Album: The Regeneration Itinerary
Artist: …And Oceans
Genre: Black Metal
Origin: Finland
Listen to: Förnyelse i Tre Akter
This album pairs well with New Belgium 1554
This is a screenplay for a trailer for the movie that will be based on The Rest is History podcast episodes 552 and 553.
Opening Scene:
The camera pans across the royal court of the Byzantine emperor.
A young Viking, wearing chainmail over a tunic, with a fox pelt across his shoulders that gives way to a traveler’s cape flowing down behind him, stands before the emperor.
The emperor, wearing a golden crown and multiple layers of silken robes, covered with Christian symbols, steps forward, revealing his purple silk trousers and a leather boot adorned with golden charms.
“You ask for MY daughter’s hand? You have no lands. You have no gold. You have no reputation or honor.”
The camera focuses on the young Viking’s face. His sky blue eyes reveal fear and intimidation.
Cut to the Second Scene:
Panoramic footage shows a group of Vikings rushing up to what is quickly becoming evident is an impromptu battle line. Across the field, other Viking warriors have already formed a shield wall. Our hero looks around and his facial reaction is enough to convey the fact that he understands that he is already on the losing side of this battle.
Cut to the Third Scene:
Our warrior stands behind a row of Varangian Guards who are absolutely massacring everyone in front of them with mathematical precision. The young Viking and the rest of the Varangian Guard are equipped with full face coving Norse helmets, chainmail tunics and chainmail leg coverings, with a long red silk tunic underneath. The coordinated movements of the front line display a systematic and centralized control structure. However, the orchestration is thrown into disarray when a 12 foot tall warrior smashes through the line. Batting away with his shield on the left, two guards fly off their feet. To the right, a guard is pinned to the earth with a spear, and then the giant slams into the one we know, dropping him onto his back. The giant draws a curved sword from its sheath and lets out a cry. The camera zooms in on the face of our hero and we see his beautiful eyes widen.
Cut back to the Second Scene:
Watching his line fall apart in various stages of retreat, our hero strikes his sword on his shield three times before turning his head upward and letting out at mighty laugh.
“HaHaaHaaaa!”
Cut back to the third scene:
Our hero looks up at his adversary and bellows, “HaHaaHaaaa!”
Cut back to the opening scene:
Having been reprimanded by the emperor for such impudence, the reply is confidently indignant. A smirk slowly spreads across his face. “I will return in due time, with gold, and honor, and my lands.
Title card:
The Last Viking
The Saga of Harold Hardrada
Post trailer scene:
It’s dark. A torch flashes across the face of our hero. The camera zooms out, reviling the scales and muscles of a giant snake as its body courses over stone.
Cut to black.
“HaHaaHaaaa!”